From the corner of my eye I could see a massive skinhead heading my way. I felt the echoing thuds on his boots getting closer and closer, his stomps vibrating in my chest along with the bass lines of Freedom's set. That's when I heard a loud snapping noise, and pain shot up my leg. The wooden railing I was standing behind had just shattered under the pressure of the Freedom slam, sending shards of wood into my leg.

            Oh whoops, I forgot to introduce myself. I'm Matt Saincome, although most people just call me The Champ. I'm the frontman of Zero Progress. We're that one band that did that one thing that got your one friend all upset – remember? We're the Champions of Hardcore. We're the baddest band on the planet.. . . no? Not ringing a bell? Damn, you need to get out more – we've toured the US twice.

            OK, well, Zero Progress is a straight edge hardcore punk band that grew out of the Bay Area's DIY punk spaces. It consists of me (the talent), my older brother Ed, my friend since second grade Collin, and his brother Josh. We're banned from the Bay Area and many other spots around the country for a variety of reasons (it's mostly, but not exclusively, because of our chain-related activities). But hey, if you aren't making enemies doing what you do, you ain't doing it hard enough in my opinion.

Day 1:

            When my alarm went off in the morning, I turned over and quickly realized I had pulled every muscle in my body. I sat up on the corner of the bed and stretched out a bit, feeling the soreness all over my body. When I tried to stand up I almost fell over. My left leg felt like a swollen water balloon ready to pop. The weird part? All I had done the day before was record vocals for our upcoming LP on GMM records. How the hell do you pull a muscle in your leg recording vocals? But for whatever reason, my moshing in the vocal booth left me really beat up. I limped to my car, drove to school, and applied to graduate. Then I skipped class, hung out with my buddy Taylor Todd a bit, and drove back home to pack for the trip.

           Zero Progress was getting on a plane as a band for the first time. We were leaving in a few hours, headed to Not Dead Yet Fest in Toronto to play with some of my favorite bands, and the Toronto link of the CHAIN GODz COLLECTIVE, Wastoids. Josh's girlfriend and Zero Progress's go-to artist, Mikyala, picked us up at the ZP Mansion and dropped us off at SFO, where we smuggled the one-of-a-kind ZP logo medallion past security and ran gate to gate in an attempt to catch our delayed fight.

           Well, the rest of the guys ran. I limped behind the group begging them to slow down. It felt like my jeans were soaked in mud and I had thumbtacks in my shoes. At one point I realized if I walked backwards my leg didn't hurt as bad, but that just made the guys walk faster to avoid being seen with a guy walking backwards.

            We eventually made it onto our flight. And, most importantly, we were able to sneak our mother fucking chainz on that mother fuckin plane. After the first flight we caught a limo to our private jet, and before you could say “champions of hardcore” I was in Toronto, passed out on the floor of the Wastoids practice space, listening to them run through their set.

            That's when Julian, the frontman of Wastoids, slid on the hardwood floor, crashing down by my side, smiling and hugging me. “You guys are here!” he screamed, before jumping back up to his feet and greeting the rest of the guys one by one. “Ugh, I need to puke!” he said, mentioning the late night food he had after the Kremlin show the night before. We met Wastoids on our last North American tour and instantly hit it off. We like chainz, they like chainz, what more can I say? It was love at first sight. They showed us how much fun it is to chain bottles, and we showed them what's it's like to be banned in the bay with a thousand places to go.

           One of the stand out bands for me at our show was Nuke Cult. We got the chance to play with them in Kansas City in the back of a restaurant on our last tour and were pumped on their set there. But when we played in Kansas city they didn't seem too into Zero Progress, that is, until we covered “Glue” by SSD. They went nuts. So we played “Glue” six or seven times and then bounced. After the show I saw all the members of Nuke Cult huffing glue on top of a car. Gotta give the people what they want, right?

            Nuke Cult's Not Dead Yet set was really great. They're super weird punk dudes who really get loose. They had chopped up body parts they were throwing around, and their singer was rolling around on the floor and stuff. It's a fun band to watch for sure.

            We were up next – and boy were we ready to go. By the time we got on stage we had been up for over 24 hours, been on two different planes, two cars, across an international border, and hadn't eaten in 6-8 hours.

            I went into the bathroom to slip into something a little more comfortable, but as I went to take off my jeans I noticed I couldn't get my left leg out of the jeans. My left leg was so swollen the jeans were clutching it like I was just here for the goth bar or something. After a little wrestling to get it free, I put on my American flag shorts (gotta rep the red white and blue when you're abroad) and realized in my tired stupor I had forgotten my one-of-a-kind customized Champ shoes in the car. Oh well. I elevated my leg for a couple minutes before the set. I could feel the fluids leaking back into my thigh.

           My brothers started “Chunks” as an intro, and the set took off from there. The boys from Wastoids slammed hard and stage dove. We had our boy Julian sing half of “Glue” for us, cause, you know, brotherhood.

            At one point I ran through the crowd like a wrecking ball to the back of the room where a cage for dancers was set up, jumped in, and twerked my punk ass off. After the set Ed told me it was weird to play to a crowd that was facing the wrong way, but baby that's because they know where the action is at. I'm the headliner, baby. Whenever I'm at, that's where the show's at. It doesn't matter if you book me as the opener, the support, the night before, down the street, or later that month, when The Champ hits the stage – that's the main event, brother.

         At one point The Champ, the supreme leader of punk, spoke to his people... “Hey, I know I tell a lot of jokes up here, but I just want to say, from the bottom of my heart, it means the world to me that all you maple syrup-drinking, moose-riding, Canadian rejects could make it out to the show tonight. OK fine, maybe it doesn't mean the world, more like 10 dollars a head. Hey! You think it's cheap to dress like this? The only thing in this town that's more expensive than my one-of-a-kind jewelry is your mayor's weekly crack budget.”

          I knew as soon as those championship words rolled off my tongue they were going to become more famous than Gone With The fucking Wind. As I was walking off stage my people cheered “Live ten thousand years! Live ten thousand years!” Yeah, I've got the stuff. The good stuff. The stuff that puts the asses in the seats. I give the people what they want. I saw a person dancing hard with a homemade ZP patch. We've been here a couple times. ZP life, baby – Just making towns. They were hanging from the rafters for our set. They had to turn 'em away at the door. Just Julian and I double juicing for the strap, brother.

Show 2:

We went to the Mind Eraser show but I didn't make it to the end. My brain was taking micro naps at that point. I remember liking Warthog's set. Their singer had a great voice. I also remember Needles playing a really great set. One of the tighter ones I've seen from them. I really like the guys in that band. I admire the hell out of Martin, the vocalist, for all he's done in punk, but also for his ability to be a super nice guy despite all that. Like, he did an interview with me for my tiny zine and is always down to talk and hang out. Just a good guy. Brian, the bassist, makes most of ZP's merch, and recently recommended we make ZP daggers. I had been up for way too long and been through too many time zones, so my brain just started to shut off in the car ride back to Campbell's.

            We spent every night of the weekend at Campbell of Wastoids house. He's such a polite young man, who I'm glad I've gotten to know over the few times Zero Progress has played Toronto. His family was super welcoming of us, and I had a good time discussing all the Rob Ford (current mayor of Toronto who admitted to smoking crack among other things) drama with them. Campbell knew where Ford lived and we were going to go steal his mail but didn't have time.

Day 2

            The next morning we got the bad news that Julian's leg was infected and he would have to spend the rest of the weekend in the hospital. I guess he got a cut at a previous show and it never got any better. The doctors said if he would have waited another 24 hours they might have had to amputate his leg. And although having a peg leg you take off and beat the crowd with might be a good gimmick, it was probably for the best that he got it taken care of. After that meal, we took off towards the first show of the day.

Show 1

            The Saturday matinee was one of the best of the weekend. Spine opened up the show in a big way. Their singer, Antonio, has a great presence as a frontman. He's charismatic, entertaining to watch, and has a good sense of humor. He is also big enough to pick up any member of the crowd and throw them through the wall – which is pretty much what Spine's music does anyways with it's combo of bruising breakdowns and blazing fast parts. It's a solid mix of scary and fun. Just the way I like it. When one of his band members tried to say something he turned to them and said, “Hey no jokes, this is a serious band!” Really great band. Their drummer also wrote this awesome piece recently that lots of people took way to serious and cried about (what else is new?) 

http://www.revolvermag.com/news/weekend-nachos-john-hoffman-lists-top-five-signs-that-you-are-a-poser-in-extreme-music.html

            Demolition was heavy hardcore fronted by a bulldozer of a man. Dive bombs and mosh parts galore – sick! I had never heard them before, but they quickly made me a big fan.

            Peacebreakers have some great lyrics. I'm a fan of their demo so it was fun to see them live. “We are the elite crew. Bow before the chosen few.”

            Stick Together's set was pure, unadulterated, straight edge fun. The singer said “If you don't like us, then you're not straight edge.” I can agree with that. He also gave a great anti-bullying speech, which I really enjoyed and think connected with especially. I've never really fit in anywhere. When I was a freshman in high school jocks used to shoulder check me in the halls and call me a “faggot” for wearing a leather jacket. Now dudes in leather jackets shoulder check me at shows and call me a “slut shamer.” Weird how things change, huh?

            Sometimes all that drama gets to me. Sometimes it doesn't. But when it does, nothing lifts that weight off my shoulders like music. Stick Together are like a celebration of hardcore and straight edge. I could feel the vibration of feet stomping the floor as people slammed side to side, only stopping to take part in huge gang chants. “Drugs suck!” stuck out as an especially cool song of the set. I've seen them twice now (Destroy LA and Not Dead Yet) and they never fail to have sets full of energy. But I like that the singer talked a bit more this time, he seemed to have some good insights on the social aspects of hardcore. I just got lost in their set, and it left me feeling uplifted and happy. Something about that straight edge music man, it just reminds me that if you think I'm gonna break it's gonna. . . take! . . . more!. . . than!. . . you've fucking got!

            Waste Management played last. Their singer makes hilarious expressions contorting his face in order to squeeze out that voice (which reminds me of Negative FX). Before one song he said, “This next one is a cover, but I'm not going to tell you who it is. It's a poser detector.” Then I think they played Cause for Alarm's “United Races” but I'm not sure. I'm kinda a poser so I could be wrong. When not very many people recognized the song he chastised the crowd for being posers. I thought that was tight. Waste Management was definitely one of the highlights of the festival. They sound very much like SSD and Negative FX. One of my favorite sets of the fest.

            After that fucking amazing matinee line-up, there was another whole show! I spent a lot of time in-between shows and sets hanging out with my buddies Dennis of Freedom and Julian Berman from So-Cal. They're hella funny guys and I always enjoy passing the time with them. It's weird how we're all from different parts of the country but see each other relatively often. That's one of the cool parts about hardcore.

Show 2

            Zero Progress bought tickets to both the Saturday night shows because there was a couple different bands we really wanted to see. We started at the Limp Wrist show, although we left after Omegas.

            Ancient Heads are a youth crew band that's on React! Records. Their set was energetic as fuck and they opened with a Youth of Today cover. That got me up on my feet. I really liked their set – it was everything cool about youth crew and straight edge. They reminded me of Chain of Strength. Vixens played after them, and did two Void covers. They kinda sounded like Void too, so that was cool.

            No Tolerance played my heart strings the way only the most straight edge band in the world could. I don't know what DFJ has inside him, but whatever it is, whenever he touches a band it immediately turns to gold. He's like. . .the best straight edge hardcore musician of our generation or something?

            Some banter gems were “We're a straight edge band. The intros and cool t-shirts are the most important parts.” and “No disrespect to all the other straight edge bands on the fest, but we're not only just the most straight edge band on this fest, we're the most straight edge band in the world.” I actually agree with that. That 7” brings out my straight edge pride like no other slab of vinyl can. The live performance sounded great, but I guess I love the vinyl so much I was almost disappointed that a giant straight edge version of The Hulk didn't come down from the heavens and start moshing through walls or something. But not really, the set ruled.

Up next was Omegas. As they were setting up a guy in a security shirt came up and started talking to Hoagie, the singer of Omegas. After a short conversation, the security guard popped a squat on the corner of the stage and Hoagie began to make a half-hearted statement explaining to the crowd that stage diving was off limits. He explained that if we wanted Not Dead Yet to get bigger and better, we had to respect this one rule.

As soon as the set started people started stage diving, much to the security guards dismay. One diver even slammed right into the security guard, sending him soaring off the stage before completing his dive. The crowd popped for that one. But the security guard got right back up, pointed to the guy and made a motion to the back of the room like, “This guy right here, get him out of here!”

            That's when Hoagie started trying to kiss the security guard on the cheeks. It was clear the security guard was getting more and more frustrated. In between one song Hoagie, a master of his craft, started cutting a promo on the guy, who stood there stunned. Then Hoagie started probing him with questions...

“You ever hear of Fucked Up?” Hoagie asked.

“Yeah” the security guard said timidly into the mic.

“Of course you have, they're a rock band. You like pushing people around?” Hoagie pushed.

“I'm just doing my job.” The security guard said...

            Maybe another front man would have stopped there, but Hoagie isn't just any other front man. So much so that if any other front man were to stand next to him on the same stage they'd look like nothing but a mere vocalist. He holds the stage and crowd in the palm of his hands with an effortless and powerful grip, pulling and pushing them in any direction he sees fit.

            After a bit more hassling from Hoagie, who was now accusing Greg (the Booker of Not Dead Yet Fest) of selling out for having security guards on stage, the security guard ripped off his security shirt, exposing an Omegas shirt underneath and then stage dove into the crowd. The crowd exploded into lunacy as Omegas blasted off into another song, with Hoagie egging them on the whole way. “Fuck you Toronto! You could be replaced by New York!” he shouted while stage divers flew through the air, crashing into piles of mass humanity as Omegas played some of the most unique and powerful hardcore music of our generation.

So yeah, the security guard was a plant and the whole thing was a skit. It was a truly original performance, free of any imitation or insincerity. And that's how on a fest filled with some of the best hardcore bands in the western hemisphere, Omegas was able to stand out – a true mark of excellence. It was not a set to be missed, and I feel lucky just for being able to see it. That's how good it was. I would argue there wasn't anything going on in the entire planet during the time Omegas was on stage that was more entertaining and fun. It might be the greatest musical performance I've ever seen.

             After the set Hoagie dragged me into a back area where a very real security guard told him we couldn't hang out – but Hoagie didn't listen to this one either. He just drunkenly told him it was “OK,” and that “This guy plays in a band called Zero Progress – we're friends. He's with me.” The (real) security guard couldn't care less, seeing as no one was allowed back in that space, not even Hoagie.

            “Look, what's your name? Andres? Andres, we're just gonna hang out in this room,” Hoagie said, pointing to a tiny closet that was literally just filled with trash. Just boxes of trash. “I can't have you guys back here,” The (real) security guard pushed. “Where are you from, Andres?” Hoagie replied, nonchalantly.

            The two went back and forth for quite a while, with Hoagie making it very, very, clear he did not care. It was weird, so I went outside and talked to the (fake) security guard for a while. He explained he was a friend of Hoagie and that he was training to be a professional wrestler under Santino Marella.

Show 3

            After that the crew bounced to the other show in time to catch The Repos. They were great. Kinda like a more noisey, punk, drunk Youth of Today with awesome guitar solos. Very intense in your face delivery with the singer leaning into the crowd with bloodshot eyes bulging out of his head. They did their sick Youth of Today cover. I think Ed considers them a big inspiration to writing ZP songs, so he really wanted to make it to their set. It was kind of interesting that not many people were inside but the (real) security was saying the show was “sold out.” I guess it was because the big headliners, Limp Wrist were playing at the other show. But still, it was a little weird to see such a great line up of bands at this show and the place to not be completely packed.

            I spent some time hanging with the international rockstar Antonio of Spine inbetween sets. I beat him in an arm wrestling match (don't tell him I said that, I promised I wouldn't tell anyone). After that victory, I went back inside to watch Boston Strangler play. They sounded great, doing all their recordings justice. The frontman has improved his stage presense based on videos I've seen of them in the past. It was kind of surreal seeing them, since I've listened to their record so many times thinking I never would. But, I guess that's what fests are all about. Seeing all the bands you've heard about in one weekend. It all had me super drained and tired, so we headed back to Campbells pad. Actually, first we parked in a red zone and watched the end of the GSP fight.

Day 3

            The next morning we got up early to try to catch our friends from Intent play their set before we had to leave town. My leg was feeling better.

Show 1

            Sabatage was playing when we got there, and someone got busted up in the pit really bad. He brushed by me on his way out of the room, and it looked like his eye exploded. Lots of blood.

            After that my friend Dennis, who I spent most of the fest joking around with, disappeared, only to all of a sudden pop up on stage.

            “Freedom – Detroit straight edge!” he screamed into the mic. Oh shit, Freedom surprise set! The crowd went off, slamming back and forth with a vengence. I was standing on the side of the room behind some wooden railing. As the intro wound down and Freedom kicked it into high gear, a giant skinhead came flying through that railing, sending shards of wood flying my way. It caught me right on my leg. So much for that thing feeling any better.

            After a few rather impactful songs, Intent jumped on stage and laid their brand of hardcore on the crowd. “All Or Nothing!” was a stand out song of the set, which was filled with bangers. Intent has a great sound, kind of like a mid to late 80's NYHC/youth crew. But one of my favorite moments was when the band started to have technical difficulties. I know that's an awful feeling, but holy shit it gave DHD, aka Dat Hard Dick, aka the bassist of Intent, a chance to speak to the crowd. The topics ranged from Rob Ford being a good guy for eating out his wife's pussy to the jug of water the band was drinking being “a piss jar, dude!” I think we all learned something during that time. Seriously though, Chad, aka DHD, aka Dat Hard Dick, is one of the funniest guys in punk. I'll never forget the first time I met him in So-Cal when ZP was playing with our brothers in New Brigade, and he just came up to me and started joking about how he wanted to suck all his friends dicks. His sense of humor cracks me the fuck up. Best dude. He should definitely start a band he fronts called DHD and The Dat Hard Dicks – I'll put out the LP.

            We were running super short on time and had to bounce after Intent, which sucked because I really wanted to see Hounds of Hate again. They helped us out on our first US tour a lot, are good guys, and play in one of my favorite current straight edge bands. Bummer! Luckily the guys told me they are coming to the west coast soon, so I'll catch them then.

            We said bye to everyone, most of whom replied “see ya soon.” Which is weirdly true for a group of people who live all over the country – but hey, isn't that what makes fests special?

https://www.facebook.com/pages/Zero-Progress/118629688186600