I have known BroLoaf guitarist Todd Hamilton from his days in NYC playing guitar for District 9. We kept in touch through emails/Facebook and he kept posting show pics and info for his new band out in Arizona called “BroLoaf”. I kept seeing these out of control live photos that looked more like a scene out of the movie Animal House than a hardcore show. The flyers the band made, the song titles, the entire package just looked like over the top insanity. After finally squeezing them for a “Champions On Parade” CD I could tell this was not just some half-assed attempt and a joke but a total package of a band that I am so glad that I found. Interview with Todd and Ben February 2012.

IE: I am sure you have been asked a million times about the unusual way the band was formed but for those who have not heard the story please start off with how BroLoaf got it’s start…..

Ben: There is a website, AZPUNK.com, and there used to be a message board.  One day, there was mention of a contest that was going to be put on. Basically, you would put your name in the hat for what you wanted to play in one of the four categories (Vocals, Guitar, Bass, Drums) and then they stick you with your other band members (whom you may or may not have known previously) and they also took suggestions for the names, which were intended to be the most terrible names possible. There were 6 bands – Sheriff Joe & The Methadone 3, The Fucking Rabbits, Gimme Me Back My Sunday, GunFuck, The Naughty Little Squirrel Fuckers, and BroLoaf. Each band was required to play at least 7 originals with 1 cover and must be between 25-30 minutes. The shit-talking on the message board was thru the roof.  BroLoaf decided right then and there that we were much better than every other band, so we turned the Thrash of the Titans show into a CD release show for our first album, “Shits Tight!”, brought our own trophy and became the first AZPUNK Titans. 

IE: What year did this happen?

Ben: The contest was December 2007. After that we were asked to play Tyler King’s birthday show, which we made a CD release as well for our EP “Weakend Warriors” which was March of 2008. My other band, Casket Life, had a show in December of 2008 and we couldn’t play. At the last minute, we had BroLoaf fill in and that was show #3. At this point, we recently played show number 25 with Youth Brigade, The Adolescents, and The Grim. In just 25 shows, we have played with a lot of great bands like The Dwarves, Valient Thorr, The MeatMen, The Vandals, Red Fang, Nashville Pussy, The Misfits, Mustard Plug, Black Fag, Pulley, and my personal favorite, G.G. Elvis.

IE: Out of the 25 shows you have played can u tell us what were some of the more memorable ones for better or worse?  

Todd: Out of all the shows we’ve played, there’s only one that I can say was bad, but since I’ve erased that show from my memory, it never happened. One show that started off really rough was when we played in Vegas two years ago. We played this total shithole called The Double Down Saloon. Imagine playing a show at Mars Bar, but way filthier and the clientele was nowhere near as classy. Then add going on at 4:30 AM with everyone in the place completely blotto and not wanting to deal with us and our chaos. By halfway through our set we had turned most of the shit-faced crowd onto our side. We went from having the whole place wanting to kill us at the start of our set to them loving us by the end. There was this one guy who kept making his girlfriend show us her tits and telling her “…hey, you should blow these guys”. Out of all the shows I’ve played and tours I’ve been on, I can honestly say I’ve never loaded out gear at 5:30 AM, after having just finished playing… until this show. The sun was already up.

Ben: Fourth of July shows are hands down the best. We are a patriotic band that loves the USA and the past two years we have had great shows on the fourth. This year will be our third annual Patriotic MeltDown and we will be releasing a very special America 7” with the songs “Freedom Lover” and “Uncle S.L.A.M.”

IE: You guys got this whole persona which is hard to describe, it is almost a little like Gwar in that the whole band is like a small army and there are people whose part in the band doesn’t even cover them playing an instrument. Can you go down the list of the people involved with the band, and the posse and everyone’s role?

Ben: OK, let’s start with the band.  Ben Brah – Vocals, Junior – Vocals, Todd Tha Bod – Guitar, Jay St. Hassle-Hofer – Guitar, El Royo Loco AKA t-Roy – Bass, SoCal Steve –Drums

Then there are the Babes: Cheerleader Talia, Cheerleader Sommer, Golfgirl Dani, The SchoolGirl

Then there are the Bro’s: Coach Grundy – Life Coach and Mentor, Bro Montana – Gnarly Football Jock, Beezy – The Referee , Haze Patrol – into beating up and torturing nerds, Nerd – signed up for the wrong fraternity, Kandy Broccoli – Drug Enthusiast/GlowStick Artist, V.D. Allan – GG’s cousin that lives in South Phoenix.

There is also an array of terrible people that absolutely hate BroLoaf and try to stop our shows. Such as: Detective Lancer – Scottsdale P.D. who wants to destroy BroLoaf, Officer DickBroom – Lancer’s crony, The Ump – plays foul, always tries to cheat BroLoaf out of a clean win, NoLoaf – Anti-Bro Organization hell bent on putting an end to BroLoaf and all things bro everywhere. Known for protesting at BroLoaf events. Dr. Doctor & Evil Nurse BiggTitts – in bed with the Corporation, wants to turn the world’s beer supply into prozac-laced vitamin water and wants to lock BroLoaf up in a mental institution.

The Corporation – Comprised of The C.E.O. and The V.P., The Corporation continually tries to get BroLoaf to “buy in” to what they are selling and sign extensive contracts with very fine print. The Corporation wants to control BroLoaf and use them to make more money for themselves.

IE: Do all of the non-instrument playing members make every show? What if you guys don’t play close to your home base or go on tour?

Todd: For the most part everyone makes it. There are instances where we’ve had to improvise a little and cast a role with someone from one of the other bands or a friend, but either way it winds up working out.

Ben: Obviously, playing in town gives us the home field advantage and makes it easy to have 20 plus people participate in the show. However, when we go out of town, we can always get a few people last minute to get involved and it is always fun for everyone.

IE: I read an article about the whole band showing up in a raised Jeep Wrangler going crazy outside of the show. Do you guys always try to make a grand entrance or was that a one time thing?

Todd: When BroLoaf shows up to play, everyone in the room notices. We’re gonna have your attention before any sound even comes out of our amps.

IE: For those who haven’t seen the band play can you describe the scene at a Broloaf show?

Todd: For one thing, we like to get the audience involved. Whether it’s lining them up for beer bongs, or tossing out foam fingers in the shape of “The Shocker” (you know: two in the pink, one in the stink) or an assortment of beach balls, kilos of blow, NERF footballs, glowsticks,…not all at once, but depending on which song we happen to be playing at that moment. They do tend to come back at us, but that’s what happens when you throw projectiles into a crowd. It’s all in the name of fun. When we played on my birthday 2 years ago, this one guy who was a total “bro”, grabbed the giant mirror during “No Snow, No Show” and buried his face in the mountain of coke on the surface. Then during the next song “Bro, Don’t Call Me Bro!”, he went to town beating the shit out of the boxing dummy that we had all dressed in bro-gear at the front of the stage. I’ll have to try and find the pictures from that show. A BroLoaf show is all about having fun. If you can’t have fun at a BroLoaf show, then we’re not the problem…

Ben:  Every single time we have ever played someone will tell me “I have never seen anything like this before” and that’s cause we do it legit and take it to a level unseen in this day and age. Any asshole can get up there and play and be in a band, but this is a fucking spectacle. It’s easy to be the Ric Flair of punk rock when there are so many chumps pushing no boundaries and not trying to offend anyone. To be the band, Ya gotta beat the band!  WOOOOOOOO!!

IE: What is the punk/hardcore scene like in the Phoenix/Valley area?

Ben: Say what you will, but I love the scene out here. Phoenix may not be the biggest or have the best, but we definitely have some heavy hitters and some great people out at the shows. Home to Landmine Marathon, HogJaw, and Job For a Cowboy who are working their asses off. Also, some great bands that aren’t around anymore such as Where Eagles Dare, North Side Kings, Smoky Mountain SkullBusters, and Bullet Train To Moscow. But in the end it’s just like anywhere else. Some shows kill and some shows suck. The only motion is Pro-Motion and if you work to spread the word people will show up. If you don’t, then you end up having a shitty show, but we always promote so that ain’t us. BroLoaf shows fucking destroy.

IE: Does being in such close proximity to Arizona State University draw in a lot of kids who normally wouldn’t be at a punk show?

Todd: Remember the guy from my birthday show that I told you about earlier? Well, I’m pretty sure he was an ASU student.

Ben: It’s really fucking ridiculous but bro’s like it as much as the punks do. Either they don’t get it at all or they totally get it…..I’m still not sure.

IE: You were telling me that the band makes props for each show and can spend a couple of hundred bucks on them, what kind of props have you used at shows?

Ben: A few of the cooler things have been the toilet paper guns and confetti cannons. BroLoaf is in the process of building a cast for a monster shot – ice luge. Gonna be epic as fuck. Shit gets expensive, but it’s all in the name of the show. Give us a thousand dollars and we’ll put on a ten thousand dollar show.

IE: You have a song called “No Snow, No Show” and you play it up that you’re pretending to have cocaine on the stage and using it. Have you gotten any shit from anyone for this?

Ben: Pretending? That shit is some of Colombia’s finest, mang! I almost died from OD’ing onstage. Shit was brutal and Dr. Doctor saved my life, but wanted to take one of our cheerleaders as compensation, so we prescribed the doc with an old-fashioned BroLoaf ass whoopin!

Todd: Nobody gives us shit, well not yet anyway, but I’m sure it’s bound to happen sooner or later. You can’t have songs with lyrical content like that and a very visual stage show to accompany it and not piss someone off eventually. We’re not worried about it.

Ben: We sure do enjoy upsetting people. Club owners love to hate us but still love us cause it’s so much fun, but it’s such a mess and the bar is wrecked, and they don’t complain cause they are too busy counting the stacks of cash they make off the bar at one of our shows. In Redondo Beach, we played a bar that had just been remodeled and had a giant fish with 40 condoms tied end-to-end and full of coke. We pulled those rubbers out of the fish and one by one little coke bombs blew up all over their nice bar. By the end of the set, I was completely hammered, bleeding and rolling around in broken glass from some bottles I threw on the ground. Also, some house lights got ripped down and Junior started drinking everyone’s drinks…..random people’s drinks……any drink…..it’s was insane.

IE: What pisses club owners/bouncers/cops off the most about your live sets?

Todd: The mess. Our shows get fucking crazy with all the beer, coke, confetti, sweat, and toilet paper. That whole mixture gets pretty nasty by the end of the show. Sometimes they have that look on their faces like they’d rather clean out peep-show booths than the paper mache aftermath of a BroLoaf show.

Ben: The confetti cannons. Everyone has a smile on their face when those cannons shoot off, except the staff of the bar. They look depressed and about to cry cause they are the suckers that have to clean that shit up.

IE: Do these props get re-used or do they get wrecked during your shows?

Ben: Props and costumes aren’t exactly cheap. Salvage what you can, but stuff usually gets pretty fuckin’ thrashed, bashed, and trashed. Personally, I have had to disarm members of the crowd several times when shit got rowdy. 

IE: You guys opened up at a wrestling match once, can you tell us how that turned out?  What was the crowd’s reaction like?

Todd: That show was a lot of fun. There were a lot of people there, but not necessarily for us. It was probably more of a “family entertainment” type of event that we’re not typically used to, so needless to say, we pissed off a few parents. It was at The Marquee Theater in Tempe. It’s about half the size of Roseland in NYC and the ring was set up right in front of the stage. About 1/3 of the crowd loved it, 1/3 of the crowd didn’t know what they were watching and hearing, and the rest HATED us. We got booed by them, but we took it as a compliment…it being a wrestling event and all. Ah, if only Malta The Damager was there…

IE: Has BroLoaf played any shows outside of the Phoenix area yet and if so what has the reaction been like?

Ben: Some people just don’t like fun and just don’t get it. Some hardcore feminist watched us once in San Diego and thought that we were sooooo fucking politically incorrect. Well No Shit! She didn’t have fun, but everyone else sure as fuck did.

Todd: If you are easily offended, or take yourself too seriously, or don’t have a sense of humor and you’re at a BroLoaf show, then you’re FUCKED! Plain and simple. If you’re that type of person, do your best to hide it because we will make an example out of you.

IE: When you play outside of the Phoenix area do you pull back at all to see how a crowd you might not know reacts or do you go all in from the start?

Todd: WE ALWAYS START BALLS OUT AND DICKS SWINGIN’! We let them know what kind of shit they’re in for right from the start.

Ben: Well said. If we hesitated about anything, then we wouldn’t be BroLoaf. Punk and hardcore used to be violent, abusive, mean, ugly, drunk, fucked up, broke, and pissed off. We are here because somewhere down the line that changed. “Punk” bands are so fucking PC these days and I can’t drink this watered down Lite Beer version of it. BroLoaf is here as the Saviors of Punk, bringing it back to what it should be.

IE: Are there plans for tours or playing more outside of the Phoenix area?

Ben: We are definitely going to try and do a short tour hopefully late summer/early fall.

IE: Do you find that work schedules/families play a part in slowing down the bands progress?

Todd: We generally find a way to make things work. Everyone makes whatever arrangements that they have to, be it with family or work if we confirm anything. To the best of my knowledge, we’ve never had to cancel last minute or anything like that.

IE: What do all you all do for work anyway?

Ben: Some of us have office type jobs and a few of us do gigs/shows for a living. Rock n’ Roll or Corporate Sound, Video, Lights……if it pays we will set that shit up!

Todd: I do construction materials testing for an engineering firm. I test compaction on soils and asphalt, and compressive and flexural strength for concrete. It sounds a lot more exciting than it actually is, but it’s a job.

IE: You put out your last album “Champions on Parade” by yourselves in 2011. When can we expect some new material?

Ben: This Fourth of July, we will be releasing The America 7” volume 1, with volume 2 to follow next year.  Also, we are hoping to do 1 or 2 more 7” releases before 2012 is over. We have one for “Happy Halloween” with “My Name is Steve”. We’re also looking to release the Business-in-the-Front, Party-in-the-Back Mullet 7” w/ “Executive Takeover” & “Rave Riot”.

IE: Todd, you used to live in NY and were in great bands like Warzone, District 9 and Vision, what made you decide to move to Arizona?

Todd: As you know, Warzone ended in ’97 when Raybeez passed away. I left Vision in ’04, and I still play with District 9 but we don’t play all that often, so I fly back for shows when we do. In addition to BroLoaf, I also play guitar in North Side Kings, but it’s been almost 4 years since we last played. One reason I moved was that I got sick of the cold weather. Yeah I know, I traded it in for extremely hot summers. Whatever. It sucks for 3-4 months but I have air conditioning in my house and both of my trucks, just like Mother Nature intended. Besides that, the rest of the year is awesome. The cost of living is considerably lower than the rest of the country and there’s little to no threat of natural disaster. Also, I have a lot of friends out here, some from NY even. Plus, the traffic out here is nothing compared to back home. I may live in NYC again at some point years down the line, but not Bloomberg’s NYC. Fuck that guy! For the foreseeable future I’m in Phoenix.

IE: What do you like about living in Arizona?

Todd: There’s a lot of good people out here. Like I said before, the traffic out here is nothing. Very rarely will I sit in traffic for more than 15-20 minutes and if I do, I get the fuck off of the freeway and take local streets.

IE: What about things you don't like and what do you miss most about NY?

Todd: It’s not as bad as LA, but people out here can’t drive for shit. The other thing I’m not too big on is that bootleg dough, sauce, and cheese combination that they have the balls to call pizza. There’s two or 3 places that have decent pizza, but outside of that I don’t bother. Aside from family and friends back home which is a given, I miss the availability of diners, candy stores, and delis on just about every corner!  Jesus, it’s almost impossible to get a sandwich from a place not known as Subway or Quizno’s in the Phoenix Metro Area without having to drive 10 miles just to get it. I also realize that I can have authentic Mexican food anytime I want, but fuck that. I miss San Loco. Most of all, I probably miss going to Rangers games at The Garden with my two older brothers. Watching them play the Coyotes in Jobing.com Arena is cool because there are a lot of Ranger fans out here, but you can’t beat the atmosphere of Madison Square Garden.

IE: Figured we would finish up with some questions off the beaten path. The company most likely to give BroLoaf an endorsement deal?

Todd: Already happened. Pabst Blue Ribbon.

Ben: Also, we have already been sponsored by Socko Energy drink which made Team Hogan Energy drink. Good Shit. But that was awhile ago and they went out of business. 

IE: Celebrity you would love to punch in the face and why?

Todd: Do professional athletes count? If so, Scott Hartnell of the Philadelphia Flyers and Arron Asham of the Pittsburgh Penguins. Colossal douchebags. Both of ‘em. Oh, and also Zach de la Rocha and every artist that’s part of SoundStrike. Nothing but a bunch of soapbox warriors and bandwagon activists whining and crying.

Ben: Every senator, every representative, every fucking politician. Do you think for a second that if you didn’t do your job for over 1000 days that you would still get paid? Un-Fucking-Believable. I love this country, I love this land, but I hate the assholes that are trying to “run” this country. Overpaid, over-privileged and way under-worked. Jan Brewer, you fucking cunt, you are first on the list…..well after that Nazi Sherriff Joe gets his, that is.

IE: The band or artist that BroLoaf would love to open up for, or for them to open up for you?

Todd: Ted Nugent onstage WITH BroLoaf, performing our America songs at one of our July 4th  shows.

Ben:  SLAYER!

IE: How is Broloaf preparing for the zombie apocalypse?

Todd: It’s incredibly easy to get guns in Arizona.

Ben: Making sure my “garden” is well stocked and up to code.

IE: Angelina Jolie or Jennifer Aniston?

Todd: Both…at the same time.

Ben: Angelina is probably down to put on a strap-on and DP Ms. Aniston, but she can take the stink ‘cause I’m balls deep in her “friend”-ly pink. You know Angelina’s meat curtains are beat to shit like an open-faced pastrami sandwich, but it seems Jennifer might take a bit better care of her pussy.

IE: 50 and over steel cage match with Chuck Norris, Mr. T, Steven Segal, and Jean Claude Van Dam…. Who is walking outta that one?

Todd: I’d love to say Mr. T, but realistically Chuck Norris will fuck up everyone on that list all together at once.

Ben: Steven Segal is an overweight, washed up, asshole, fucking pig. Mr. T can’t sell a grill to fix his and AT&T quit callin’, so Charles Bronson shoots ‘em all in the head. Winning!

Todd: Even better if Zombie Bronson and Charlie Sheen show up…although I don’t think Sheen is 50 yet.

IE: All-time favorite movie……

Todd: Are we talking about porn or regular movies?...

Ben: Naked Gun Trilogy, hands down. But if you are talking porn, Big Wet Asses fucking rules.

Todd: My favorite movie would probably be the original Halloween from 1978. The remake was “ehh, okay I guess…” if the original never existed, but in all actuality it was ass. Now as far as porn is concerned: thanks to the internet, I haven’t paid for porn in years. Anyone who pays for porn is a moron, in my opinion. There is plenty of great free sites: xnxx.com, xvideos.com (those two are basically the exact same movies and layout), youporn.com, pornhub.com, etc. They all have a search feature, so the next time you go on type this in the search: “reversegangbang”.

Contact Broloaf: Broloaf@yahoo.com